Week One: Who is Jesus, Who am I?

Who is Jesus? I am truly torn while thinking about this question. Sometimes I wish that there was one answer that everyone was in agreement with. But other times I recognize the importance in having differing perspectives on this question; we all need to feel like we know for ourselves. Jesus, for awhile, was the spiritual comfort I turned to automatically. Although I do not know if I attribute that to my own comforts or those taught to me in Catholic school k-12. Jesus quickly became the scapegoat after one of the most defining moments of my life and since then I have worked to try and view it in a different way. Jesus, to me, has been many different things and I think that is nothing other than being human. Jesus is sort of like a best friend in some facets. He knows whats going on before I have to tell him, he is easy to talk to, he does not talk back in a sassy tone.... But he is also the one who can call you on the things you do not want to recognize about yourself which, in turn, allows for much disconnect. Jesus is the one who is watching over my friend Gloria who, no doubt, is sitting right beside him with her little brother tugging on her angel wings. Jesus is the one who never leaves, even when you push him away with everything you possibly have.

Jesus is consistent whether I want to admit it or not.

Stable.

The next question makes me nervous just looking at it. Who am I? Well, if I do not know do I still have to answer? I cannot be convinced that I know just who I am right now, what if I change? I  know a lot about myself, however, I do not know if there is just one way to define myself. I am Caitlyn, the oldest of four kids, eighteen grandchildren, and twelve grandchildren. I love kids and work to spend time with each of my cousins who are all under the age of 6. I am the person who believes there is nothing better than holding a baby. I am a person who still goes on the swings in her backyard. I am thoughtful and many people mistake my reserved manner for self-importance. I care a great deal for people even if I just met them and I know everyone has a story that I honestly cannot wait to get to the root of. I am a planner; my life consists of dates and blocks of time reserved for certain things and I do not know how to live another way. I am every ones big sister and as much as I love to listen I want to talk but sometimes it does not come as easily.

I am present.

Introspective.